Cat Confessions

Subtitle: “How spoiled cats fit into the scheme of things”

Recently, as some of you know, my family left for various parts known and unknown (see post below), and the LifeForms and I were left to our own devices for most of about 10 days. Many things happened in that time (I discovered how many LifeForms we actually have, for instance…) and generally, things clicked right along. Upon their return, the queen of the house (her daughter actually brought it up first) said:

“Did you spoil the cat?”

Midnight asleep in the arms of her owner-valet

It seems, don’t you see, that there has been some disagreement among us regarding topics such as the diet of said cat (milk or no milk), the reliability of veterinary advice we have been getting (cats can’t digest milk- then what have they been doing with it for thousands of years??) and the feline girth (“that cat is fat and lazy!”). Of course, I was non-plussed, since many important events and circumstances had arisen and been dealt with during their long journey, and many important decisions had yet to be made, and … what cat? Ahem! In any case, regarding the spoilation of the royal feline, I have discovered, decided (and am announcing here) that:

  1. The laws of the Medes and Persians do not in any way restrict or forbid the occasional tablespoon of skim milk for the royal Priss (her official title).
  2. Catfood is frightfully boring (I’ve been told).
  3. “Fat” is a relative word.
  4. Who’s in charge around here, anyway?
  5. {queen makes comment in the background– mumbling– long pause}
  6. We have a clarification on #4– IN ANY CASE…

The occasional spoiled cat never hurt anybody, now did it? Honestly. What world event would have been different, what civilization is being ruined, what chasm of blackness in world history would be opened up by … feline spoilation?

Besides, all this is minor league. A man does have to keep in shape, flex his muscles, and exercise the brain cells for when the objects of his major league spoilation show up in a few years. And who might those objects be :-)?


3 Replies to “Cat Confessions”

  1. Point #1 – don’t you find the fact that every time anyone gets milk out of the fridge it’s *whinewhinewhinewhinePETMEANDGIVEMEMILK!!!!whinewhinewhinewhine*?? I would find that annoying.

    point #2 – you better watch all this talk about spoiling grandkids, or i’ll put you on probation before they even show up *wink*.

  2. Yes, the royal feline can be annoying… but so affectionate at the same time!

    Probation? I’m visualizing this:

    “Mom, who’s that?”
    “Ignore him!”
    “Mom, how come he keeps hanging around Grandma’s house??”
    “Here’s a cookie!”
    “MOM! I already had a cookie… why is he smiling and making faces at me???”
    “LOOK at this birdie– see- OUTSIDE the window!!”
    {giggling… laughter in the background…}
    “Mom, the man looks so funny! {giggle} How does he make that noise with his mouth?…”
    {dagger looks dart about the room…}
    {noises- strange mouth sounds coming from granddaughter}
    “STOP that!”
    “But MOM, I want to make the noise!!…”
    {nuclear missile looks attempt to blow up man in back of room… }

    To be continued… 🙂

  3. You know what dad, I have the idea that if Sarah wants to keep her kids away from you, she will figure out how to pull that off. However, both she and I know that despite how it looks on the surface, you are actually a very good father, and will be a good gradfather too. I mean, if we go by how you treated us, I know you will never spoil your grandkids: “(at nine years old) hey dad, will you buy me some gum, please please?” “No honey, you need to use your own money and learn to support yourself.”:)>

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