Due to some longstanding misconceptions about my position in the household, and in anticipation of the upcoming holiday festivities, I have decided to modify my normal policy of non-verbal communication and instruct my “owner”, Dad, to post a few comments for me. Of course, I don’t want to impose (beyond the normal requirements of royalty), but merely to clarify what everyone around me knows quite well already. If you, my humans, will be so kind as to read and carefully observe the few rules I have posted below, our occasional and unfortunate misunderstandings may be kept to a minimum:
- Some of you are confused about my weight; I have even heard the word “fat” used in my vicinity. My responsibilities include night patrols, in case you haven’t noticed, and it gets cold in the dead of winter. Keeping warm requires extra fur and a little extra “me”, shall we say. Comprende?
- I’m a carnivore… you know- meat. Icky green stuff from your plate, fruit, other such… please, let’s not be insulting. The catfood is OK, though boring. Milk is better; cheese is interesting; what we need more of around here is m.e.a.t.
- About those insufferable, wiggly goofballs with collars– must we have them? Yes, I know, one of them was homeless and … (the origin of the other escapes me). Mergle (God rest him) did do us all a great service by beating that one- the short one– up and chasing it around the yard. I haven’t gotten around to doing it myself; the teeth are a problem; but I have a mind to. Must they act like infants all the time?? Serena, I understand you are in charge of the feeding; could you train some sense into them as well? If you don’t mind, teach them to bow in my presence. Once we get that done, I will consider keeping them around … for entertainment, I suppose.
- Cats (that’s me) rule. Humans (that’s you guys) obey. Not to be blunt, but… occasionally, a little reality is a good thing.
That’s all for now. You may post your replies and (adoring) comments below. Above all, be of good cheer– I accept you.